Some people have no inner voice. (lucky them!) Their thoughts don’t occur as a narrative. For the majority of us, we have one or more, and it may even feel like we don’t as we usually do not even realize that our inner voice is not, in fact, the bigger or best part of us.
Have you ever paused to just observe and listen to the incessant chatter of the voice inside your head? You know the one: the relentless commentator, the ever-present critic, the narrator that seems to have an opinion on everything you do. The inner storm of turmoil that can be triggered instantaneously.
We may make the mistake of believing this voice is us, assuming it reflects our true selves. What if the voice isn’t really you? Let’s explore why the voice in your head is only a small part of your true self and how recognizing this can lead to a more peaceful, authentic life.
When I am mediating conflict between people, I can often see their inner voices going at it hammer and tongs, and those inner voices spilling out argumentatively into emotional and even irrational talking. At that point, it’s pretty hard to even call the talking a dialogue.
The inner voice, often referred to as the “ego” or “id” in psychological and spiritual contexts, is a product of our personal history. It’s shaped mostly by our negative past experiences, some societal norms, and the myriad of other influences we encounter day by day.
This voice tends to form around ages 3–5 when we develop a theory of mind (the ability to recognize that others have different perspectives from us). It usually forms as a response to something negative that happens to us and, as a result, tends to be reactive, often driven by fear, insecurity, and the need for control or comfort.
It can get so loud with its comments on everything from our actions to our appearance, and it often does so in a judgmental and critical manner. So loud that we don’t do anything without consulting it. So loud and noisy that by default, we can believe that it is all of us.
Here’s the thing: We are not our thoughts. Your true essence is the awareness that observes these thoughts.
Consider this: if you can observe the voice in your head, then there must be a part of you that is separate from it.
This observing self is your true self, the quiet presence that exists beyond the incessant chatter of the mind.
When we identify with the voice in our head, we allow it to dictate our emotions and actions. This can lead to a host of issues, including rumination, anxiety, depression, and a sense of disconnection from our true selves. The inner voice often reinforces limiting beliefs and negative self-talk, which can hinder our personal growth and happiness.
If the inner monologue is so bad, why on earth would we evolve to have such a thing or things in most of our heads? The reason is comfort. No matter how negative the voice may be, it often feels better in the moment than what we are afraid of right then. It justifies our fear or anger or sadness, and we feel momentarily in control. It can allow us to feel right even sometimes when we are, in fact, totally wrong.
The first step to taking back our calm power from the noisy inner voice is to cultivate awareness. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation or just learning to let go, can assist you in developing the ability to observe your thoughts without becoming entangled in them. By regularly practicing mindfulness, you begin to see the voice in your head for what it is: a stream of conditioned thoughts that do not define you.
As you become more adept at observing your thoughts, you’ll start to experience moments of stillness and peace. These moments are glimpses of your true self, the part of you that is always calm, centered, and unchanging. By embracing this aspect of yourself, you can begin to live more authentically, free from the constraints of the inner voice.
Whenever you notice the inner voice speaking, simply observe it without judgment. Acknowledge its presence and even offer it gratitude, love, and comfort. Once the urgency drains from the comforted inner voice (inner child), you can gently challenge the validity of the thoughts the inner voice presents. Apply some actual critical thinking rather than self-criticism. Ask yourself if these thoughts are truly reflective of reality or if they are based on past conditioning.
Always be kind to yourself, others and your inner voice. Understand that nearly everyone has an inner critic and that you are not alone in this experience. Engage in activities that ground you, such as yoga, gratitude journaling, spending time in nature, and most importantly, spending time with family and friends you love. Sometimes, talking to a therapist or joining a mindfulness group can provide additional support in navigating the journey of not misidentifying yourself as your inner voice.
The voice in your head isn’t you, it is a small part of you, and it’s important to accept and love every part of yourself to reach your full potential. You are more than just a product of your mind’s conditioning. By cultivating awareness and practicing mindfulness, you can begin to discern quickly the knee-jerk reactions and responses of your inner narrator and instead allow your true self out to play with others.
This journey of self-discovery takes effort and practice and it can really lead you to a more peaceful, authentic, and fulfilling life.
Remember, you are the awareness behind your thoughts, and within that awareness lies your true power, and that power is not just for you; it’s for everyone.
